Somedays in Twenty

Whatever is going on now, may Allah save my parents, siblings, family and friends from any bad things. Aamiin.. The final exam would be on 27th and my birthday would be on 23rd. And my mum went back to the hometown to pick my sister up. And my dad is so busy meeting and working till late night. And my brother is studying in his college. And me can't go anywhere because there's final exam to nail. Siapa je nak sambut birthday depan buku depan laptop? But I know me too well. I know the me who can't study when there's no chair and desk. The me who need days to suit myself to place. The me who look like I'm studying when I'm actually distracted. And no one else know. They don't care. As of today, I gotta tell stories to those who can give their empathy. Cause those who can't, they'll only judge. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something to ease my heart. If you choose to be right when I'm actually feeling so down, go ahead. Be righ

Aku rasa tahap takleh tolerate aku dengan apa yang orang buat kat aku tinggi betul sekarang. Dan ini adalah salah satu sebab kenapa aku memang kena deactivate ig sekejap. Sebab ig tu mungkin boleh buat gaduh kerana aku sungguh tak rasa nak menulis je bila kecewa ke sedih ke. Dan bukan ke kalau aku keep on tulis dekat ig akan jadi satu masalah bila orang-orang berkenaan baca? Sedangkan niat cuma nak lepaskan geram bukan nak cari gaduh pun. Orang-orang yang aku marah sangat ni sekalipun dorang buat aku marah, dorang banyak tolong juga. Takkan sebab tulisan aku akan jadi gaduh pula. Dan sekarang since aku takde pilihan lain selain blogging, memang aku dah selamatkan diri dari tulis benda-benda boleh bawak gaduh dekat ig. Sedih ah ceni. Kerana things had become so complicated. I might get angry with the people I shouldn't. Tapi rasanya sekarang memang tengah defensive mode yang kalau ada orang sakitkan hati aku, kemungkinan besarnya aku akan buang separuh dari orang tu dari hidup k

I guess I'll blog back someday. Cuz it's nice ya know. To write when no one bothers to read. It's somehow an assurance yang assured me that people won't judge. Those who read might be only those who care. Kot la ek. Few days back, ada rasa pelik tiba-tiba. It ain't the cliche feelings. Nope. Dia rasa macam sebal. Macam menyampah yang kalau boleh kau taknak layan sesiapa luar circle family. (read: lelaki) Aku rasa takde pun benda yang triggered untuk rasa macam tu. But it is what it is. I deactivated my instagram for a short while. Hoping to calm myself down. Rasa bitter tu aduhai.. Macam nak maki semua makhluk sebab kacau tenang aside from a chosen few. Tapi bila a chosen few tu pun macam nak cari gaduh.. Aku tak rasa akan ada exception lagi. If the trusted few pun buat hal apa je jaminan yang entah sape sape ni akan ada dalam good books aku all the time. Takdelah maknanya aku harap orang faking suka aku ke hape. JUST DON'T HURT ME WHEN I NEVER HURT YOU.