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One of the Phases

It's been long. Again. Tanpa sedar dah lama tinggal tulis-tulis dalam blog kerana masa yang tak berapa nak cukup. Dia punya tak cukup tu ibarat nak bernafas pun kena curi masa. (Hiperbola *rolling eyes*) Dan tiba-tiba yang memang tiba-tiba macam sireh pulang ke gagang rasa macam nak menulis balik. Dan macam baru perasan yang apabila kije asyik nak pendam perasaan je, dah timbul susah dekat diri sendiri nak cope dengan segala yang jadi. Tahu aje, ada phases2 dalam hidup yang susah nak dijangka tu. Tahu aje akan datang masa2 yang rasa susahnya nak cope dengan keliling. Tapi tak tahu pula dengan umur yang dah nak masuk suku abad hidup ni yang jadi mula aku tercabar dengan keliling. Dengan orang. Dengan keadaan. Aku ingat aku akan tetap aku yang dah berjaya instill nilai-nilai murni dalam diri dan berjaya buat endah tak endah dengan apa pun keliling nak jadi. Tapi di suku abad ni, pulaknya nak teruji. For the past few years yang aku memang setenang-tenang alam tak berkocak tu a
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Final Exam cum Birthday

Whatever is going on now, may Allah save my parents, siblings, family and friends from any bad things. Aamiin.. The final exam would be on 27th and my birthday would be on 23rd. And my mum went back to the hometown to pick my sister up. And my dad is so busy meeting and working till late night. And my brother is studying in his college. And me can't go anywhere because there's final exam to nail. Siapa je nak sambut birthday depan buku depan laptop? But I know me too well. I know the me who can't study when there's no chair and desk. The me who need days to suit myself to place. The me who look like I'm studying when I'm actually distracted. And no one else know. They don't care. As of today, I gotta tell stories to those who can give their empathy. Cause those who can't, they'll only judge. Tell me something I don't know. Tell me something to ease my heart. If you choose to be right when I'm actually feeling so down, go ahead. Be righ
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Tolerance

Aku rasa tahap takleh tolerate aku dengan apa yang orang buat kat aku tinggi betul sekarang. Dan ini adalah salah satu sebab kenapa aku memang kena deactivate ig sekejap. Sebab ig tu mungkin boleh buat gaduh kerana aku sungguh tak rasa nak menulis je bila kecewa ke sedih ke. Dan bukan ke kalau aku keep on tulis dekat ig akan jadi satu masalah bila orang-orang berkenaan baca? Sedangkan niat cuma nak lepaskan geram bukan nak cari gaduh pun. Orang-orang yang aku marah sangat ni sekalipun dorang buat aku marah, dorang banyak tolong juga. Takkan sebab tulisan aku akan jadi gaduh pula. Dan sekarang since aku takde pilihan lain selain blogging, memang aku dah selamatkan diri dari tulis benda-benda boleh bawak gaduh dekat ig. Sedih ah ceni. Kerana things had become so complicated. I might get angry with the people I shouldn't. Tapi rasanya sekarang memang tengah defensive mode yang kalau ada orang sakitkan hati aku, kemungkinan besarnya aku akan buang separuh dari orang tu dari hidup k
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Sorting Life Out

I guess I'll blog back someday. Cuz it's nice ya know. To write when no one bothers to read. It's somehow an assurance yang assured me that people won't judge. Those who read might be only those who care. Kot la ek. Few days back, ada rasa pelik tiba-tiba. It ain't the cliche feelings. Nope. Dia rasa macam sebal. Macam menyampah yang kalau boleh kau taknak layan sesiapa luar circle family. (read: lelaki) Aku rasa takde pun benda yang triggered untuk rasa macam tu. But it is what it is. I deactivated my instagram for a short while. Hoping to calm myself down. Rasa bitter tu aduhai.. Macam nak maki semua makhluk sebab kacau tenang aside from a chosen few. Tapi bila a chosen few tu pun macam nak cari gaduh.. Aku tak rasa akan ada exception lagi. If the trusted few pun buat hal apa je jaminan yang entah sape sape ni akan ada dalam good books aku all the time. Takdelah maknanya aku harap orang faking suka aku ke hape. JUST DON'T HURT ME WHEN I NEVER HURT YOU.
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24hrs

It has been a hectic day for me. For these past few weeks things had turned out of hand. But again, those things you thought could kill you were actually making you stronger. (Or at least that's what I hope) Few unsolved workloads, few critical subjects, lecturers I'm afraid of (not because they're fierce, but because of the subjects themselves.). I don't really know if I can cope. These 24hours are not short. IT IS ENOUGH. It's just the pressure acting on the brain, the fear, the laziness, all sorts of excuses, where are those gonna bring me to? Have you ever thought of things that could make you right, but it actually can't? Cuz you came too far to the place you don't wanna come? And you almost arrive but you aren't sure whether you'll arrive or you'll flunk? Cuz you don't even know why you're here at all. It was a hard decision to make. AT THAT TIME. EVEN NOW. Some motivational quote could help I guess. Let's live for now. You
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Don't ask

Terketuk nak menulis kerana terjadi pada diri sendiri. Untuk ingatkan diri sendiri. Dan siapa-siapa yang rasa, oh aku pun sama. We live in a big community gais. Jadi tajuk ini.. untuk mereka-mereka yang rasa pernah terdetik atau dah pun terbuat. Mana-mana lah, asalkan lepasni, jika jadi lagi, maka beringat. Pernah nampak member yang asal tudung labuh, tiba-tiba singkatkan tudung? Yang berkopiah ganti topi berseluar pendek main bola? Pernah tengok yang elok berstoking tiba-tiba cabut stoking pakai selipar seluar senteng? Paling mudah, pernah jumpa member yang duk bising sebut jaga ikhtilat, jaga hati, jangan couple tiba-tiba dia yang buat apa dia cakap jangan tu? Ini. Untuk kauorang yang rasa gatal je mulut nak menegur menyindir kerana rasa tak adil, 'apa jadah kau dulu bising dekat aku akhirnya backfire dekat diri sendiri pula?' Tak salah nak menegur. Nak membetulkan. Hatta nak bantu pandu cari jalan sekalipun. Tapi make sure niat nak menegur tu memang niatnya nak sed
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